Posts by JayHassey

Like Lambs to the Slaughter


Lots of fresh faces this year; more so than any other.  They have no idea what they’re in for. Here’s a scouting report on the newcomers:

Mitchell Delgado


Swings with his arms and no legs; also drinks like he has hollow legs

Shawn Arsenault


His golf game is is slighlty below Charles Barkleys, but his drinking game is right up there with the best of them.

Chris Meucci


Irons look like a toothpick in his hands. Hits the ball a country mile. Will it go straight? Only time will tell.

Jon Nessa


Is ready for war.

Silk, a baby’s bottom, a river stone. All adjectives that describe Jon’s swing. Drinking game has the endurance like his drives.

Brandon Gavin


Great off the tee, and putts lights out. Easily affected by peer pressure to have “one more” numerous times.

Marc Toomey


Hits the ball a long way and has a drinking game to match.

Sammy Torrice


Home grown swing and drinking game. Ball flight mimics his lean during shot guns. Starts low left and ends high right but usually finds the short stuff.

Nate Kaufman


Played golf collegiately at Clemson. I don’t think much else needs to be said.

Tim Gearin


What do you think he’s doing with his right hand?

Chip Stanley once dubbed him the “More talented Gearin”. Guilty pleasures have been known to be Bud lights, mind erasers, and Disney.




After what seemed like another successful Hasski Fall Classic draft, very few questions arose. But one name did jump off the page more than any other. Did Kevin DiBattisto really drop to the third round? A quick scouting report on Kevin will show that he was nursing a wrist injury that had prevented him from playing a round this year as of draft day. Did news of the injury lead to his draft day plunge? Probably. Was the injury overblown in an attempt to sandbag his was to a D ranking? Only time will tell. But one thing is for sure. Shortly after the draft, Kevin’s first round of the year ended up in the low 90s.



You Want a Shot at the Title?


Everybody hates Ed

It’s Hasski week and that can only mean one thing. Everybody hates on Ed. So we thought it would be a good idea to sit down with the man himself, and ask him a few questions:

What do you have to say to all of your haters?

Ed: We’re all here to get away, whether it be from the kids, wife/girlfriend/boyfriend(looking at you Hahn), and/or work. We’re here to have fun, play some golf with friends some of us haven’t seen in a year, and to have copious amounts of booze. If you are truly butt hurt about me winning all the time, then  you are here for all the wrong reasons and should probably stay home and join a women’s bowling league or something.

How much admiration do you have for Bob Stanley?

Ed: As much as I break Bob’s balls, I do admire the guy. Even with the arrival of lil Teddy, he still manages to find the time to put together this tournament that I love oh so much. I know a lot of work goes into this thing and I truly do appreciate it. Still going to make a t shirt every year with his ugly mug on it.

Do you regret any of your lewd t shirts depicting Stanley in a negative manner?

Ed: No, not even a little. It’s all in fun. Glad Bob is such a good sport.

Do you regret not being good enough to carry your team to victory the two years you lost?

Ed: The first year I lost, I honestly could not play any better. If I recall I think we finished 1 stroke behind the winning score. If it wasn’t for my teammate JAY HASSEY missing 5 to 6 less than three footers, we would only be talking about the ONE year I lost. So I guess I would have to say I regret that Hassey putted like a complete mongoloid that day.

As for the second year I lost, I take full responsibility for that loss. I had a great team around me. Hahn I think shot a 78 and Capaldo and Marcin played out of their minds. I was the only one that didn’t show up that day and we ended up losing by a few strokes. I truly regret not winning that year.

Did those two losing years lead to any suicidal thoughts?

Ed: No. Maybe a few murderous thoughts here and there. You know the occasional thought of wrapping my hands around Hassey’s neck and squeezing the life out of him. You know, nothing out of the ordinary.

Have you ever cheated in the Hasski?

Ed: No. I understand why anyone would think this after winning most of the Hasski’s. I’ve golfed with most of you now and you know my level of play. There hasn’t been any year where I came in with a score that was out of my normal scoring. I’m a low 80’s high 70’s shooter that every once in a while sprinkles a really good or bad round in. Go back to the last 7 years and find a score that’s way below my scoring range and I assure you, you will come back with nothing.

Who is your favorite Jones?

Ed: I’ve won the Hasski with all three of the Jones. 1 with Andy, 2 with Bobby, and 3 with Billy. All three are stand up gentlemen, but if I have to choose one, it has to be Billy. Three Hasski’s together and he always gave it his all. Plus he doesn’t always bore you with talk about his sweet volleyball skills like the other two queebs.

How much money do you make in a year?

Ed: $150,000 a year with 90% of that coming from Hasski endorsement deals.